I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
