Christians are straight up FREAKS
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
