May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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