I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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