Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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