she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
