New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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