:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Never let your siblings swipe right.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
