I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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