he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
