Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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