I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize