$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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