I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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