honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
