Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
