You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
