Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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