I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
