Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
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