I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
