arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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