I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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