I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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