I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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