I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
