Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
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