it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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