Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
