I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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