This is not my ceiling
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
