It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
