I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
