Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
