I just cut my nipple shaving
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
