Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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