Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
