When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize