So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
