The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
