I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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