i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
