i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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