You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
