I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
