Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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