yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
