My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
