Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
