She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
