I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
