well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
