Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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