I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
