i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
