Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
