Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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