she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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