the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
