Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
FUCK WHALES
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
