Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
