Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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