So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
