I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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