don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
