Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
