You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
what day is it and did you see me today?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
