he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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